did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
