if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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