The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
