He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
