Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
