Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i will never coherently bang her
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
