How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
