YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
