I love black thongs
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
