p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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