My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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