Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
