I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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