I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
