i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My dick has a subreddit
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
