NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
