4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
