Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
