If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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