We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
