Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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