Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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