you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
