I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
