I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
