A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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