i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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