I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
