so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
