I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
