If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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