I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
