I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
