Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
