If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
