I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
