Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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