I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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