Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
porn star boner night. come get it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
