I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
