So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
