I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
