things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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