Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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