i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
