hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
