i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
