A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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