Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
