i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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