Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
