let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
