Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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